Cancer-inducing side effects of airport body scanners are about to double with the advent of newer technology that offers twice the dose. Acting as quasi-autonomous marketing director for companies manufacturing the devices, Egyptian Al-Qaeda bonehead Ayman al-Zawahri is helping pitch the ‘theory’ that suicide bombers will have explosives surgically implanted.
It is meant to be this ludicrous, the imminent danger from the bearded brigade has increased the fortunes of ex-American political appointees like Michael Chertoff tenfold, while beer-gutted Billy-Bobs lick their chops at the prospect of feeling up the public. Washington is well aware that people don’t like it much but animal behavioural training requires this sort of farce.
One day soonish, the lights will go out in many parts of America. Every single nuclear power plant was built on a fault line or close to a roaring river that’s now overflowing it’s banks and some stations are underwater already. The Army Corps of Engineers is busy blowing up strategic points to relieve the process but it only seems to have made things even worse.
Anyone arriving at the airport during a power outage would be necessarily required to line up and be hand-checked for the flavour-of-the-week danger the biased media is pushing. This sort of conditioning has transformed the scariest dogs into lap hounds but we’re betting all this talk of anatomy and surgery will eventually help Americans locate their spine again.